So hi there.
i make an appearance after (yet another) prolonged break on this blog. and let me tell you that in the meantime, we moved yet again - the subject of which appears not infrequently on this blog, and which was, in part, one of the main reasons that made the hiatus longer.
if each of our moves has seen a varying assortment of logistical mayhem and messed up timelines, this one stands out with the distinction being the longest time we spent in limbo so far - bunking with friends and family alternately for two months before we could finally get a place and move in.
moving is, always, an exercise in patience and an eye opener in minimalism. you wonder at the amount of frivolous stuff that gets accumulated while you are packing it up, and also on how possible it is to really get by without all those, while you wait for it to get shifted and unpacked at the new place.
with all the expected and unexpected stuff that comes up in these transition phases, routines tend to get thrown out of gear, getting back to ‘normal’ seems easier said than done, and sometimes even ‘new normals’ take up space in your life, surprising you - i suppose that is the one constant about life - its ability to surprise you in more ways than you think (if you are willing to be ‘surprised’, without ruing about it too much).
so in between all that, contrary to popular belief, some habits get broken more easily than they are formed, and i suppose blogging is one which falls into that category. once you go through a break intentionally or unintentionally, you easily fall off the wagon and it becomes increasingly difficult to resume it with each passing day.
a difficulty that is only compounded by thoughts of what to write, and why write at all. the more you ponder about (anything), the more you are convinced that it is all ultimately futile. one can apply this futility theory to anything in life, and to life itself - which is why thinking too much about any one thing at a stretch could be counterproductive, if you are a chronic overthinker. so coming back to blogging/writing, any miniscule attempt by me at writing is often eroded in its path by thoughts of futility, by a ‘meh, whats the point of it all’ syndrome that rears its head often, unfortunately.
so why am i here, why make the effort to write anything ? especially for someone like me who hasn’t found a niche, doesn’t attempt in the least to make a living by writing, or use the blog as a platform to be an ‘influencer’ for anything.
despite all the above, a few reasons seem to make sense. first, of course, is the reason that you dont really need a reason to write. it is like having cake. you dont need a reason to have cake. (also, i like to bring cake metaphors into everything possible.)
more importantly though, when you look back at old posts, old bits of your writing in whatever form they exist, they serve as excellent time capsules. it is a great way to go back in time and look at what was going on in your mind at the time, what kind of stuff that you thought was worth putting down on paper or inflicting on humanity. never mind if it feels like complete nonsense or profound philosophy - if it has crossed your mind, better have it spelled out somewhere for what it is worth. if nothing else, somewhere down the line you have a few memories, something to reminisce about, something that gives you that ‘duh, did i really write that’ feeling. it is all good.
another important reason is the personal feeling of knowing that in this day and age, you are still capable of continuous, coherent thought and have the ability to string together meaningful sentences which consist of more than 140 characters . it is a satisfying feeling, and it is important that we all have something that gives us a feel-good factor about ourselves.
so yeah, i convince myself that it is indeed worthwhile to keep at this every now and then, with or without a reason. with or without readers, even - for what we do for ourselves is more important than falling into the rabbit hole of seeking approval and validation from external sources - which, if you do get, is gratifying, as a collateral. the key is to remember that it should be a collateral and our opinions of our own selves is what should matter.
if you have been patient in suffering my ‘thinking aloud/ gyaan’ so far, my good readers, let me compensate a little by leaving you with a nice little view from the balcony of our aforementioned new place - on a rainy day, no less - when the green looks all the more greener and the world looks more beautiful in general. the little blessings are what make life worth it, isn't it ?